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Why does it hurt the first time you have sex?

January 1, 2024March 28, 2024 Reviewed by Dr Hameed Ibrahim Khokar

When a woman has her first painful sex experience, it could be caused by a number of things. If your hymen is still there, it may hurt and make you bleed a little as it stretches during sexual activity.

The hymen is a tiny piece of tissue that can cover all or part of the opening to the uterus. It has a hole that can be thick or thin and of different sizes. The first sex hurts less if the hymen is more flexible. If the hymen isn’t flexible enough, first sex might hurt a little and cause some bleeding. This is the most common reason why women feel pain during their first sex.

Women sometimes worry that their partners are in pain because their partner’s penis is too big. This is possible, but it doesn’t happen very often. When standing up, the normal penis is about 5 to 7 inches long, and the vagina is usually between 3 and 7 inches long. The vagina can stretch high and wide during sex and childbirth, so a too-large penis is not generally the cause of pain.

When the penis is deep in the vagina and touches the cervix, this can also hurt or make you feel bad. This may feel more uncomfortable than painful, but most of the time, it’s easy to fix by trying a new sex position.

Women also often feel pain during or after sex because they have an illness, vaginismus, an allergic reaction to condoms or lubricants, or because they are going through menopause.

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Will I bleed during vaginal sex?

It’s normal to bleed the first time, but there probably won’t be much blood, so don’t worry. Some people bleed and some people don’t. If your hymen hasn’t been broken, you’re more likely to bleed. Some people with vaginas break their hymen doing regular things like riding a bike, doing gymnastics, or riding a horse. You have to remember that you’re putting something inside you that has never been inside you before, so the stretching can cause some very small tears. The best way to stop bleeding is to use a lube made of water and a condom that is well coated.

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How to lose your virginity without pain

There are many reasons why some people might feel pain when they are sexually active. Here are some tips that might help you prevent this:

Taking it easy: Slowing down lets the body get used to the feelings and makes it easier to talk about what feels good and what doesn’t.
Using a lot of lubrication: Even if a person is very excited, they might not make enough lubrication, especially if the sex goes on for a long time. Since the anus doesn’t make its own lubrication, people who have anal sex will need more oil.
Trying out different places: Some angles of entry hurt, like when the needle hits the cervix or irritates sensitive skin.
Talking about consent and comfort: All participants should fully agree to each action and agree that sex stops if anyone feels pain or doesn’t want to continue.
Doing a lot of pre-sex. Pre-sex helps relax the muscles and can also make the vaginal fluids flow more, which makes sex more enjoyable.
Dealing with any long-term pain or other symptoms: Sexual activity can be very painful if you have a yeast infection, an STD, or an injury to your genitalia. Before trying to have sex, people who hurt, burn, or itch should go to the doctor.

Many people focus on penetrative vaginal interaction, but study shows that it’s not the most important thing.

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If you’re going to have vaginal sex

For many people, the first time they have a penetrating vaginal encounter is the first time they lose their virginity. Pain can be caused by tense pelvic floor muscles, stress, dry skin, or pressure on the hymen. People can improve the pleasure of vaginal sex by:

Using clitoral stimulation to increase pleasure and relax stressed muscles.
Using lubrication, especially if sex lasts a long time.
Going slowly and changing positions if the first penetration hurts.

Tips for oral sex

Oral sex does not typically hurt, and it may also provide some additional lubrication. If oral sex does hurt, it may be because a person has a wound on their genitals or an infection, such as a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis.

Sometimes, too much stimulation of the head of the penis or clitoris can be painful. If this is the case, people should talk about what hurts and try changing the position, technique, or speed.

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Summary

Many people may believe that losing their virginity will hurt, but it does not need to be painful. Open communication, clear consent, and a slow, deliberate approach can make the first time more pleasurable.

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