Originally posted 2023-05-25 04:55:27.
When a dry spell becomes a serious problem
According to research, sexual satisfaction is one of the most important parts of a good relationship. However, there are many things that can affect both the quality of a couple’s sex life and each person’s sexual desire over the course of a relationship. In every relationship, there are times when your partner isn’t as interested in sex as you are.
It could be a short-term issue like stress at work or anything else that has made your partner crazy. Even more often, a sudden, busy schedule, like end-of-year examinations or a do-or-die work deadline, might leave your spouse fatigued and only interested in sleeping or watching TV.
Even though these kinds of dry spells are typical and normally go away on their own once things get back to normal, a long, unexplained lack of interest in sex can be bad for a relationship and the general health of both people.
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This can make you feel angry and unsure of yourself, and it may also make you question if this is the first step towards a sexless marriage. It’s not a completely unwarranted worry, since research shows that people are having less and less sex.
Research in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour found that American people are having less sex, no matter what is their gender, race, or relationship status.
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Challenges
There is no guideline about how long is “too long” for a dry spell. A lot of it depends on how old the couple is, how long they have been together, and how they usually have sex.
It’s vital not to mix “average” estimates of how often couples have sex with what’s normal for you and your partner. Every person and partnership is different, and it’s normal for sexual desire to change with time. What matters is that you and your partner are happy with the amount and quality of sex you have.
Ultimately, something needs to be done if a dry spell makes the relationship feel tense or hurts the confidence of one or both partners. and that’s not always easy.
Unless both partners are willing to talk about the lack of sex in an honest and open way, any talk about it could lead to feelings of shame, anger, blame, or embarrassment, which would make the problem worse instead of better.
So, there are things you can do together to solve the problem. It would start with you not making any assumptions about your partner’s lack of sexual interest, no matter how much it hurts you.
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Causes
As people get older, they often lose their sex drive and desire to be close. Research has revealed that sexual intimacy starts to decline around age 45 and keeps getting worse as people age. Having less interest in sex can be caused by a lot of different things. So, even if you think your spouse is cheating on you, is gay, or has just lost interest in you, you should be open to all alternatives.
Also, it’s vital to tell the difference between low libido, which is the lack of sexual desire, hypoactive sexual desire, which is when you don’t have sexual fantasies, and sexual dysfunction. Both can have physical and mental origins, but the way to treat them is very different. By knowing the difference, you can look at the problem more logically and avoid a lot of the emotional effects.
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Low Libido
Low libido is a drop in sexual desire that can make people less sexual. If the real reasons behind it can be found, it can be treated. There are various things that can lead to a lack of sexual interest, such as:
- Stress
- Depression
- Erectile dysfunction
- Hormone imbalances (spurred by menopause and hypogonadism)
- Genital pain (such as vaginismus or balanitis)
- Chronic illness
- Medications
- Low self-esteem
- Relationship problems
You could keep going on and on. Other mental problems can also make a person want to have sex more or less.
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Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder
Hypoactive sexual desire disorder, or HSDD, is when a person doesn’t have sexual fantasies or want to be sexual. It is the most frequent type of sexual dysfunction in women. It affects 8.9% of women ages 18 to 44, 12.3% of women ages 45 to 64, and 7.4% of women over 65.
Research shows that HSDD is linked to a lot of bad things, such as a lower quality of life in terms of health, more negative feelings, less happiness, and less contentment with partners. Even though the illness has bad effects, it is both underdiagnosed and undertreated. Less than half of people with sexual problems go to their doctor. This is often because they are embarrassed or don’t feel comfortable talking about sex.
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Sexual Dysfunction
Sexual dysfunction is any condition that happens at any moment in the sexual response cycle and keeps a person or a couple from enjoying a pleasant sexual encounter. This can involve issues with wanting, getting aroused, orgasming, or feeling discomfort.
Men might have erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, or early ejaculation, which are all types of sexual dysfunction. When it comes to women, sexual dysfunction could mean that they don’t have enough lubrication during sexual activity or can’t relax their vaginal muscles enough to make sexual activity easier.
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Solutions
When you want to talk to your partner about sexual problems in the relationship, the bedroom is the worst place to do it because you are both naked and open to being hurt. Find a neutral place where you may be alone, private, and not bothered.
Try your best to say what you want to say in a way that is sensitive and doesn’t imply guilt. Even if it’s vital to talk about your problems, it’s better to do so in the context of your relationship than to say that “you” are making “me” worry. That’s when fear leads to pointing fingers.
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- If your partner doesn’t know what’s wrong but agrees that something is wrong, propose that he or she see the family doctor. Low libido is frequently the result of an undiagnosed medical condition (such as low testosterone, high blood pressure, hypothyroidism, or diabetes) or a side effect of specific medications (such as antidepressants, birth control pills, and some prostate medications).
- If your partner shuts down or doesn’t want to talk about the problem, you should take charge and not let it bother you. At the end of the day, neither you nor your partner have done anything wrong. It’s just that you and your partner need to accept responsibility for the situation as a pair. By taking the initiative and, if necessary, offering couples counselling, you may bring the problem to light and use the process to help the relationship, not destroy it.
- If your partner can identify an issue, such as stress at work or feeling exhausted all the time, work together to find a solution. Focus on making little changes and see a doctor if you need to. Don’t be afraid to propose counselling, either.
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Therapy can be an excellent way to learn how to deal with stress and may help you spot signs of sadness or anxiety. Also, when you try to discover a long-term solution, take the time to stress the necessity of connection and intimacy.
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