How to Tell Sexual Partner that you have Herpes
Originally posted 2023-04-04 07:13:30.
People who want to tell a possible sexual partner that they have herpes may find the following tips helpful:
Prepare what to say
If a person is nervous about telling a potential sexual partner, it may help to think about or practise what they want to say first.
This might make the person feel more sure of themselves and at ease when they tell their partner.
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Choose the right time and place
Find a place that is quiet and free of distractions so that people can pay attention and talk without being cut off.
Speak matter-of-factly
Talk in a calm, matter-of-fact way, and don’t say sorry or anything negative. Remember that herpes is common and doesn’t cause serious health problems.
Assuming that a partner will stay calm and positive can help people tell the truth in a direct way.
Know the facts
Tell the facts in an easy-to-understand way. People may have heard a lot of false information or myths about herpes, which may be confusing or scary to them.
Telling your partner the facts can help them understand that herpes is a common disease that can be treated and that there are ways to avoid getting it.
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Allow them time to process the information
People may react in different ways, so give them time to think about what you said.
Avoid getting defensive. People should be able to do research on their own time if they want to.
Recommend testing
When a sexual partner has herpes, it’s important to get tested for the virus.
If only one person tests positive, then people can talk about how to keep the other person from getting herpes.
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When should a person disclose that they have herpes to a sexual partner?
Oral herpes is usually caused by HSV-1. This means that the virus lives on or near the lips, mouth, and throat.
Most of the time, HSV-2 causes genital herpes, which means that the virus is on or near the genitalia. This might include:
- vulva
- vagina
- cervix
- penis
- anus
- scrotum
But either area can be infected by HSV-1 or HSV-2.
According to experts, a person with a cold sore who has oral sex with someone else can spread HSV-1 to their genitalia. If a person has oral sex with someone who has HSV-2 on their genitalia, they can also get it in their mouth.
People may want to tell their sexual partners that they have herpes before they can pass it on to them. They can do such things as:
- Skin-to-skin contact during vaginal, anal, or oral sex
- non-penetrative genital-to-genital contact
- rimming
- kissing
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Facts about herpes
Genital herpes is very common. It affects about 1 in 6 people. The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) say that 11.9% of people between the ages of 14 and 49 have herpes.
Herpes is caused by a virus called HSV. There are two kinds of HSV:
- HSV-1: HSV-1 is mostly transmitted by mouth, when they come in contact with saliva. It usually causes oral herpes, which includes cold sores, but it can also cause genital herpes.
- HSV-2: HSV-2 is the most common cause of genital herpes, but it can also cause oral herpes.
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People can contract herpes by coming into contact with:
- a herpes sore or blister a herpes sore or blister
- Saliva from a person with oral herpes
- Genital fluids from a person with genital herpes
- Skin in the mouth or genital area of a person with oral or genital herpes
People can get oral herpes through saliva from nonsexual contact when they are young or when they are young adults.
Many people with herpes may not have any symptoms, so they may not know they have the infection. Up to 90% of people with herpes don’t know it, according to the American Sexual Health Association.
Herpes is an opportunistic infection, which means it can stay dormant until a person has something like another virus or a lot of stress that makes it come out. This may cause the herpes infection to show signs like itching, tingling, or burning, followed by a spot on the skin that looks like a blister.
Herpes symptoms may not show up for days, months, or even years after a person gets the virus. This makes it hard to figure out when and where people got the infection.
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Preventing transmission
If a person has herpes, they can reduce the risk that they will pass it on to a sexual partner by:
- avoiding vaginal, oral, or anal sex during an outbreak, when symptoms are present and the virus is more likely to spread, even if people use barrier methods like condoms.
- avoiding any kind of sexual contact if there are signs of an outbreak, like itching, tingling, or burning; waiting until sores are completely healed and scabs have fallen off; not kissing anyone with a cold sore; not touching sores, because this can spread the virus to other parts of the body or to other people; always using condoms and dental dams during vaginal, oral, and anal sex, even if there is no sign of an outbreak;
If someone wants to have sex without a barrier method or get pregnant, taking antiviral medicine may stop symptomatic herpes from spreading to someone who doesn’t have it by more than 90%.
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Summary
Herpes is a common virus that can cause sores or blisters around the mouth or genitalia. Herpes doesn’t always make people sick, so they might not know they have it.
Body fluids can spread the herpes virus to other people. If a person has herpes, they should tell a possible sexual partner before they do anything sexual.
A person who has herpes can’t give it to a sexual partner if they use condoms and dental dams, avoid sexual contact when they have an outbreak, and take antiviral medicine.
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