How Important are Our Sexual Needs?

Originally posted 2023-05-23 08:58:40.

People often wonder how much sexual activity they should be doing. They question how much sex a married couple should have or if they are “normal” compared to other couples. How necessary is sexual activity, anyway? These are the kinds of inquiries that couples therapists and sex therapists often get. (and maybe just as commonly, worried about but not asked).

Stats about sexual satisfaction are problematic to use for a few reasons. This is because a lot of the data comes from what people say about themselves. We actually don’t know for sure that the results are correct. Even though it’s necessary to have a starting point for diverse groups of individuals, that’s usually not what people are truly asking.

People do want to know if their relationship is good or not. They wonder if they are enough for their spouse or if their partner is enough for them. They aren’t sure if they are having “too much” or “too little” sex in their relationship. Because of this worry, they sometimes worry that their relationship might be in danger.

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Discrepant Desire

The question regarding how often they have sex usually comes up when one spouse isn’t happy with how much they are having. In long-term partnerships, it’s typical for one person to want more or less than the other. This is called “discrepant desire“. There’s also a chance that both partners are unhappy with how often they have sexual encounters. The good news is that marital happiness is not just a function of how often you have sexual relations. In reality, married people look at both the number and the quality of their sexual encounters.

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What the Research tells us about Sexual needs

First of all, it’s hard to do studies on how happy people are in their marriages. Most of the time, this is because of how the experiment was set up or how the data was obtained. People still need a way to measure, though, and research reveals that:

• As a couple gets older, the frequency and satisfaction of their dates tend to go down.
• When we think about things like jobs, chores, children, physical or physiological reasons, other relationship problems, and so on, our sexual frequency goes down. Divorce rates are inversely related to how often and how happy people are with their sexual relationships. When one rate goes up, the other rate goes down. A study done on over 2400 married couples and released in 2015 indicated that the more sex a couple had, the happier they were. But it was interesting that one sexual interaction per week was the most that could make them happy.

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Why is once a week ideal?

This limit can be thought of as the relational version of the “law of diminishing returns,” which says that adding more workers to a job makes it more productive, but only up to a certain point. After that point, work gets less done. So having sex once or twice a month might not be enough. However, research indicates that having sex more than once a week does not make people happier.

In fact, a recent study found that couples told to have twice as much sex were no happier than before. (with their usual rate of sex). Also, they said they liked having less sex. According to the law of diminishing returns, too much sex that is forced or not natural seems to have a negative effect.

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We know that there are times in a relationship when sexual satisfaction is higher. We also know that things come up in life. Each couple has to decide what their own standard is and be okay with it. This is the most important part of being sexually satisfied.

It’s not about the number itself, but how you feel about it.

Couples that think about whether or not their number of dates is “normal” are probably not happy and may be below the curve. Still, there are certain couples—usually older, longer-married ones, but not always—for whom having sex less often is fine and the relationship as a whole is happy.

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Meeting your sexual needs

Different wants might become a serious problem, usually in terms of quantity but sometimes also in terms of quality. There are things you can do if your sex life is getting in the way.

One thing you should do is look at your relationship outside of the bedroom. Are you getting any closer look at your relationship outside of the bedroom. Are you getting any closer? Your connection with your partner depends on how close you are to them physically, mentally, and emotionally. Whether it’s quality time, presents, physical touch, acts of service, or words of affirmation, take care of your love languages. If your main love language is sex, you and your spouse need to learn more methods to comprehend, give, and receive love.

Couples therapists may suggest timing sex, altering the location, going on a trip away from the family, making things more exciting, or even reenacting your sex from when you were courting. Some people can use these, but others can’t. Couples therapists can also help couples figure out what is causing distance, conflict, or a loss of interest or desire in their relationship and heal it.

Since testosterone levels are highest in the morning, that may be a possibility for some. If it doesn’t assist you in the bedroom, you might want to contact a sex therapist, but only after you’ve ruled out any physical or physiological problems.

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Causes of decreased sexual desire

What can affect sexual desire?

• Aging
• Family obligations/children
• Hormones
• Medical disease
• Medications
• Physical attraction
• Physiological problems or body image issues
• Psychological issues (depression and anxiety)
• Relational issues
• Sexual beliefs and attitudes
• Situational concerns (for example, how you feel about your partner at that moment)

If you’ve been single for a while, just having sex can get you back in the game. It will restore your rhythm and help hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin move through your body. You can bring back the sense of disinterest you’re having and fix it. It’s also necessary to think about what caused the dry period and deal with any emotional or relationship problems that may be getting in the way of bonding.

Since closeness and sex go hand in hand, this is sometimes all a couple needs to get back on track.

Remember that the meaning of the question is more important than the number. With all the problems and distractions of modern life, it’s hard enough to stay married. Most of the time, these problems end up in the bedroom.

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So, whether we stay together or are married, we can think of how happy we are with our sexual life as one of many reasons. Over time, the number of times a couple has sex may change, and the overall quality of the relationship might be judged in ways that don’t involve the bedroom. Changes in libido and sexual desire can sometimes be a sign of problems in a relationship that can be fixed with the help of couples or sex therapy. This is also important to think about.

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